Over time, I've learned and relearned that everyone has opinions and advice. You do. I do. And this is normal! Why?
We are all different humans. The different ways we've grown (and are growing) have shaped our thoughts and approaches to different things. Whether we know it or not, accept it or not, we all think differently because of the various things we've been exposed to.
The point is that everyone has opinions. While some opinions can be justified, some can be arguably unjustified. But that's a separate topic.
I'll be using opinions and advice interchangeably in this piece, so don't be confused
Now, what do you do with the opinions of others? You learn to filter some of them away and accept some. Here are my thoughts on this.
People have opinions about your choices
Sometimes it comes unsolicitedly; people often have opinions about your every choice. Opinions for:
- the clothes you wear
- your career choice
- your choice of makeup
- your pictures
- your comments
- your actions
- your existence, even
It's the life we live, and/or the freedom to speak that social media platforms bring.
Some opinions come in form of constructive feedback; from people being concerned, or just want to genuinely share their thoughts. Such opinions, I usually appreciate.
Importance of filtering opinions
With opinions coming from different corners--people you know, complete strangers, or people who want to share their thoughts on everything--it's really important to be able to filter what opinions you accept.
What I've learned about opinions so far in my journey in life is that not all of them should be taken seriously. When you take seriously, the opinion you shouldn't, it leads you to the wrong path (physically, mentally, emotionally), and you realize later that such an opinion shouldn't have even been considered.
While some others can be taken seriously, it's still your choice if you should take them or not.
In this thought of mine, I've also come across corners where I feel like "am I being proud?" or "am I not wanting to learn from any other person because I ignore some opinions". I'd also recommend that you're careful of this in your filtering process, but you should definitely know that filtering opinions save you a great deal.
Why do people share their opinions on the choices of others
This is not an exhaustive list, but few of the reasons I've seen:
1. People are triggered by things they don't agree with
Maybe you made a completely outrageous comment. Or an offensive one. Or, even possibly, a light one (probably with the possibility of being misinterpreted). The first and second cases can be justified. Ideally, you weren't supposed to do what you did.
But what about the case of the light comment?
I've seen people who get triggered for things I personally won't expect them to get triggered by and immediately they want to jump into sharing their opinions.
I've had experiences where I wrote an article on a topic that seemingly already had many existing articles by other authors. In these experiences, people jumped with opinions on how they don't agree with the fact that I'm still "wasting my time" on these topics.
2. People just want to share their opinions on everything
This, I've seen on social media platforms a lot. You see few people who share their opinions on literally everything. Sometimes what they share feels "correct", and other times it's so obvious this person only wanted to say something.
3. People assume they know better than you
This is similar to the previous points; I've seen people who you would feel don't feel they can be corrected, and have the most correct opinions. Then you see them sharing their opinions non-constructively on topics made by other people. Sometimes, you actually see how they are talking from a large place of knowledge, you may want to agree with some of their points, but when you analyze how they come off--as better, and you entirely wrong, without empathy--it can make you question their intentions.
4. People genuinely want to share their thoughts on a topic
I've learned not to always share my ideas on everything I see. But most of the things I do, I do because I want to genuinely. Not to make the other person feel better, not to make them feel their opinion is irrelevant, but just to share my perspective.
There are also people like this who have this intention for sharing their thoughts.
Knowing what opinions to hold on to
You can't stop people from sharing their opinions, and you may not know the intent behind every opinion, but it's an important skill to know the one to pick and the one to let go through the other ear. While this is something that could take you a while to learn (I'm still learning, and even fail sometimes), here are a few tips that I use, that can help you:
- KNOW YOUR VALUES: without knowing your values, someone else can help you define them without you knowing. My values on my faith as a Christain and my morals, so this helps me know what opinions to filter, and those which I can maybe consider
- KNOW WHY YOU DO WHAT YOU DO: for example, opinions like "I shouldn't write articles on old topics" will gladly go through my other ear on their way out because why I do what I do (in the context of content creation) includes explaining old topics
- IDENTIFY "WHO" YOU SHOULD TAKE OPINIONS FROM: this doesn't mean you should completely disregard the opinions of people you don't know; you should do it wisely. The point here is that for example in my case, I have friends from which I already know their intents and would most likely want to analyze their opinions, and for strangers, I'd be hesitant until I realize the intent is from a good place.
Do you have any pointers that you also use? Please share with me on Twitter @iamdillion
Wrap up
Where am I going with all I've said in this piece? Not all opinions are worth holding onto or analyzing, or even having to start beating up yourself for "making a mistake".
I used to be this kind of person before. A stranger comments on a video I make, and I begin to overanalyze and see myself in the wrong. "I should have done this better". "This person is right".
No...THEY ARE NOT RIGHT!
I'm glad to have grown, and still growing past it.
Not every opinion is invalid. Some are helpful. I've come this far in my career with the help of some constructive feedback and advice I've gotten in my journey. There exist helpful opinions, to be honest. But, just like these, the "irrelevant" ones also exist, which is why I say:
LEARN TO FILTER OPINIONS.